Flatliner

Infrequet update..

2003-11-26T14:13:03Z

No, I haven't updated in awhile. There has been a lot going on in my life, however. I've been back in school this semester for my funeral service licence; I'm working about 50 or so hours a week; I'm seeing Connor when I can; my sister got married; and I have a new woman in my life... who is WONDERFUL. So all in all, life has been good, if extremely busy, and I rather lost my taste for discussing my personal life online, as you may have guessed considering the last thing I posted. Anyhoo, I've got great, supportive friends, overall, and I love you all.

I know I haven't been in touch with a lot of you. In most cases, it's nothing personal. If you know how to get in touch with me, do so. Phone, fax, and e-mail are working. I'llbe happy to give a more detailed update, if you care to hear it.

Ok.. I see how this works now....

2003-06-22T18:07:22Z

Those of you that know me and know me well may wonder why I have never addressed this issue in detail in this forum. The true facts are, 1) nothing ever bothered me enough to really want to spill it all out, 2) I'm trying to move my life forward into a good place now, 3) I try not to let things that other people say and do really bother me too much.. that one doesnt always work, but I'm getting better. However, recently there was sometihng written in the journal of my soon-to-be-ex wife that I felt I HAD to comment on, and rebut what she was saying. I posted the reply and apparently, she didnt feel that my statements should be heard/read by anyone who visited her journal page. Hence, she didnt post my reply, allowing her version only to stand. Following here is a paraphrasing of my statement, for those of you who care to know my side. This is NOT verbatim as I didn't save my reply. I didn't think I had to.

<I do get a chance to see your journal peiodically when I can, and usually I dont feel the need to say anything, but tonight I had to respond and rebut what you're saying. Yes I did agree to joint therapy as long as it was beneficial and neccessary. In the PROFESSIONAL opinion ot the therapist that YOU selected, at an appointment YOU scheduled, based on my two interactions with him, he said that he didn't think he needed to see me anymore. When I told you this you became upset and wanted to know what I said to make him say that. I told you that you'd have to take that up with him. After a few minutes of this, with our son right there AGAIN for another arguement, you proceeded to tell me yet again how I'm shirking my responsibilities to him and the house. Now the last time I looked, every single week I take home $380, and every week I've been paying child support for him, spousal support for you, AND taking care of extraneous bills in the house that I DON'T EVEN LIVE IN ANYMORE (because I said I would), totalling NO LESS than $300 and usually more, besides the fact that you drive the car that I paid for each month for five years. So the idea that I'm doing everything I can to run from my responsibilties is an unfair assesment. Now back to the arguement last night. You called me names in front of him, AGAIN, you refused to calm down after I said for you to not talk to me that way in front of him, and when you refused to relax, I told you I would leave. You then proceeded to get in front of the door, as you have done many times when our "discussions" get to that point and refused to move to let me go after I repeately asked and then demanded to be (which, by the way is illegal). I told our son I loved him, kissed him and left via the front door. When I got to my car and drove around front, I saw you at the mailbox and Connor on the stoop, (why you continue to want him to see all this is beyond me) and frankly, I wasn't entirely sure that you wouldn't jump in front of my moving car, so I went down the side street to avoid any further confrontation. You've talked to me before about my life and how I get to go out and you don't but the facts are that I offer to take Connor over night on weekends or every other weekend and you say NO. I don't go out during the middle of the week (like some people) because I have WORK. The fruits of which you seem to be enjoying right now to the tune of 300 bucks a week. The fact is, don't blame me for you not being able to go out, because you're making that decision yourself. Don't shoot yourself in the foot and blame the gun. Drop this victim role right now, because no one is buying it. If you ask all your friends that have your back what they REALLY THINK, especially the ones that know me too, you may be shocked. I to this very MINUTE have been faithful to my marriage vows, and you can't say the same having had sex with 2 and a half other guys during our marriage, one of which in our very own bed. So drop all this about how I did anything to you. Our marriage is over now, and we have work to do to make our son's life the best it can be. If you can't do that willingly, then the autorities will be involved, it's really that simple. I really have nothing further to say to you in any regard, which is part of why we haven't said more than hello and goodbye to one another. I'll leave you to your fuming now, which is what you do so very well. That last paragraph was not sent last night. It's more or less final thoughts that I had after pondering so much. I PROBABLY won't discuss this again in this forum. I need to go back to stabilizing and incresing my "Wa" (inner/outer harmony). For all of you that have listened to me vent over the past months and years, your support, care, kindness, and love will always be appreciated and cherished. You are all very special to me and I just want you to know that. Now, I have work....

Spring...

2003-05-27T02:56:03Z

I absolutely adore the springtime. It's like for me, all the other seasons are just a nine month precursor to the glory that is Spring. We don't get very many real spring seasons in Virginia, normally 3 weeks of temperate weather sandwiched between bitter, freezing cold and unbearable heat and humidity. This year though, even with all the rain we've been having here, the spring has been awesome. Truly magnificent and perfection. As if nature can be anything but perfect. But the air and the clouds and the wind and even the rain has all felt like blessings from God. The smell of fresh honeysuckle blossoms, the buzzing of insects and the birds that I wake up to every morning, because my windows are open. It really makes me appreciate life and how short it is, and how important it is to live.. to truly live, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. I know I'm not the first person to say that, but truth is truth, and wisdom can't be ignored.
Too often I think, we look to the future, or dwell in the past, mulling over mistakes, or hoping for fates to smile on us tomorrow. Always forgetting that the past and the future are abstractions, mere concepts shrouded in the ether and only the moment, the NOW exists. I'm guilty of that kind of thinking too, today even to be honest. But, I always try to remind myself (or look to someone else with more wisdom to remind me) that the now is what counts more than anything. What we do in each passing moment will shape us and mold us. We are free to do with each moment what we will. I spent a few of those moments today looking at the perfection of the clouds, and other moments thinking about those that I love and knowing that at that very moment, love exists and is true and strong. I thought about duty, to self and others. I did my level best to fulfill myself, every moment, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally (I neglected the physical today.. hopefully I'll get back to my push ups tomorrow). There is peace to be found. There is contentment. There is love. There is the now and the Is. There is beginning and end and there's the eternal as well. There is harmony.

Moments washing by
Easing forward with no care,
Hold the joy of now.

"Death comes to us all...."

2003-04-19T15:04:06Z

Bought Connor a Betta Fish last night... the THIRD time we've tried with goldfish. The thing dies literally an hour and a half after we set up the tank. Connor comes runnning into the kitchen where Chelle and I are talking and says immiediately "fishy Sick!...." We're like.. Oh no! not again!! And yeah, our fears were realized when i found Betta #3 doing the dead mans float. I take no responsibilty and niether should chelle. I think somethngs wrong with the watyer as no fish has lasted longer than a few hours in our house. Bad karma maybe? I dunno. Anyhoo.. this morning, Connor gets up and asks where the fishy is. So now I'm explaining death to a 2 year old.

Update....

2003-04-09T03:17:11Z

I really dont have much to say, except I havent talked toa lot of you recently. Its all good tho. Sometimes life can be that way. Im still alive. I think. I'll check with you all later.
Late

yet another quiz...

2003-03-20T06:41:43Z

This one is "what color is your Aura" *spooky music playing....*

What Color Is Your Aura?

We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Turquoise vibe. Turquoise types are often intelligent, energetic leaders. Vibrant and dynamic, you take center stage wherever you go; people are naturally drawn in by your charismatic nature. You love to learn, and you excel at remembering facts and figures. More than likely, you're a go-getter with your eyes on the prize. Respect and influence tend to come to you easily, but that doesn't mean you sit around waiting for them. What fun is achieving something if getting there isn't a challenge? Always pushing your limits, you'd be a natural on Survivor — a healthy competitive instinct and a willingness to take risks means you usually reach your goals. You like to look, feel, and act your best; if all those ducks are in a row, nothing's gonna get in your way.

i guess Im ok with that.. Turqioise

Apparently my type is.....

2003-03-16T20:08:47Z

I like the sweet little thangs!!! read on!

Your type is the Girl Next Door

Cute, fun, and sweet, your ideal gal is just a stone's throw away — she's the Girl Next Door. She's Sandra Bullock, Doris Day, and Meg Ryan all rolled up into one. Naturally pretty rather than glamorous, she's unpretentious and generous. She loves animals and children, and is great with both. You're attracted to her strong values and traditional ways. Although she demands a lot of respect, she's not particularly high-maintenance. Her ideal date is more likely to be dinner and a movie than heading out for a night on the town. She's careful yet spontaneous — a little bit of the Guy's Girl, a smidge of Sorority Sister (the nice kind), and just a hint of the Hippie Chick. But she's got an appeal that's all her own, which is why you can't stay away. Her winning smile, bright eyes, and loving nature make you want to hold on tight and never let go.

*Sigh*.. I'm cool with that.. One of the few tests Ive taken thats been bang on.

my subconscious is driven by...

2003-03-13T05:58:57Z

another Emode quiz...

Will, your unconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.

You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.

Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.

i dunno.. the way things have been going recently, i woulda thought the dark lord was directing me personally :) .. Maybe I'm not all bad

Emode.com for your quizzy pleasure

CHANDLER!.. I KNEW it.....

2003-03-09T23:56:13Z

Somehow, I knew it would end like this.

Which "Friend" Are You?

Will, you've got a little bit of Chandler going on!

Could you be any more like Chandler? The most lovable wiseguy around, you've got more than a little Bing inside you, don't 'cha? Front and center in your Chandler-ness is that unstoppable wit, keeping everyone in stitches (or at least deflecting uncomfortable situations). Read more about your inner "Friend"...

heh.. me..... Im Chandler....... *shakes head*
emode.com for your quizzy pleasure

PISSED!!! ARRRRRRRR

2003-03-09T23:41:26Z

I AM MISSING NO LESS THAN 3 ART BOOKS!!!!! I CANT FIND THEM!!!!! IVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
My 3 favorites too.. which means I've misplaced them myself cause i "Think" I was the last one lookin at em. Maybe at work... woe is me. I get obsessive when it comes to looking for lost objects. Its like a Darth Vader flashback; "Tear this ship apahht until you find those plahns!.. And bring me the passengahs I want them alive!!!!!" Ever notice how Vader sounds like hes from Boston in just that ONE part?

Sigh..

2003-03-07T01:38:15Z

Had to put a cat to sleep today. One of the four that we have here in the house. Sassy. The one who was pooping on everything. Well, as it turns out, she probably had lymphoma and would have died a very painful death with very little we could do about it. Still dont make it feel any better. We'd had her the longest. I really wasnt sure about the decision for awhile, it kind of felt like playing God, but I guess its for the best. I suppose when you play God for a benevolent end it makes it ok. Then again. ... Ah well.. not a lot going well in life right now.

PISCES!!!??? what the HELL is a PISCES!!!?????

2003-03-04T02:33:59Z

Apparrently I'm supposed to be a Pisces... HUH?? a PISCES!!!! what in blue hell is a PISCES!!!? (no offense really to any pisces out there)
Anyhow, heres the result as reported by Emode.com....

What Zodiac Sign Should You Be?

The planets have spoken! We now pronounce you a PISCES. Time to read your new horoscope, change that tattoo, and rethink your place in the zodiac. Want to know more about your real sign? Sign up with Emode and we'll fill you in.

Now, I'm a Scorpio Thru and thru for real... Pisces... fegh...

Maybe I ain't as dumb as I look...

2003-03-02T21:01:34Z

Took an IQ test. My first one ever.. heres what it said

Congratulations, Will!
Your IQ score is 135

This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Ultimate IQ Test.

During the test, you answered four different types of questions — mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. To determine your ability in these areas, we compared your answers to those given by the 6.5 million people who have taken Emode's Ultimate IQ Test.

The even better news is that Emode has taken intelligence assessment a step further than the rest, offering you insight no other IQ test can give. We have developed a reliable statistical algorithm that analyzes patterns in your responses to determine the unique way that your brain functions, revealing your Intellectual Type.

Our analyses indicate that your Intellectual Type is: Visual Mathematician. This means that among other things, you have superior skills in mathematics and spatial reasoning

hehehe.. I guess thats pretty good. I'm almost twice as smart as Forrest Gump. Who was pretty fuckin' smart if you ask me.

www.emode.com if you need it.

YOU GODDAM BASTARDS!!!!!!

2003-02-25T05:58:26Z

MF'n A Hole sons of BITCHES that make these F'n SPYWARE!!! I got home tonight and i had no less than 55 TOTAl pop up ads on my comp. I got a cable hookup and IE wasnt even OPEN.. KAzaa wasnt open or running.. same with WinMX and AIM.. if no connection is to the I NEt, then WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE 55 MUTHA F'N POP UPS?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bastards.. and you know which is the worst one? Theres an ad for a POP UP REMOVAL/BLOCKING SOFTWARE!!!! Now I dont know about you, but isnt that like paying protection money to the mob? Maybe it's just me. I think the programmers of these things need to be dragged into the street and shot! I downloaded this program, AdAware.. that someone recommended. Did nothing. nothing.. Im so Bloody mad i dont know what to do. Just one more thing to piss me off right now. I definitely dont need this.

Anime via Kazaa...

2003-02-20T07:50:18Z

Dude... Im loving Kazaa so much... Im downloading so much cool stuff now. Per advice of MxM, I dlded "Macross Zero" OMG! It is soo fuckin sweet!!!!!! *scuse the lang.. but it is* The animation is so fluid with a lot of seamless CGI... its much better than what was done for "Macross Plus" .. Granted that was like 7 years ago.. man Im old. I also got the 5th 6th and 7th eps of Naruto. Im startin to love this show for real. ANd the ending theme rocks to high heaven. Sometimes being a pirate is so much fun, i cant imagine anyone wanting to be any differnt. "Avast me mateys!! Runup the mainsail and batten down the hatches! Load cannon and prepare for a volley!! ARRRRRR""

Hup! two.. three ... four... revisited

2003-02-19T04:19:01Z

hehehe..
Up to 80 reps. And still not feeling it. I'll do 40 more before bedtime. The new bod seems to be shaping up nicely after only 12 days of work. But I'm seeing other areas that need attention too. Maybe the best thing is to join a gym.. if I could afford one right now. Anyhow, I'm feeling pretty good, which is sort of the point in the first place.

Too much GD snow.

2003-02-18T04:53:41Z

I've officially had enough of this winter. Im so soooo ready for April. At least I got to telecommute today instead of going in. That was keen. I got to loaf around in PJs except for going over to the mall to get my car which was iced under a quarter inch of hard stuff... no fun. So I got back home and took care of Connor all day with Chelle and answered the phone all day too.. Work calling and all.
April please come fast... I cant take any more of this.

Connor sick... my fault

2003-02-12T14:15:35Z

BARRRF!
Connor spewed chunks all over our bed today. Twice. It was my fault. You see, last night, Connor just fell asleep at like 9:50. Which is 45 minutes or so earlier than usual. So we forgoed his whole bedtime routine and just put him down. An hour or so later, he woke up crying and I, as usual, went up to get him. We brought him downstairs and I gave him some warm milk, which he was too tired to drink. More on this in a sec. So I read him a story which he just basically sleeps thru and hes holding the milk. Im about to put him down and i tried to take his milk. in his sleep, he put a death grip on it so i figured i'd just leave it and come back later. So i do some other stuff and go to bed early, forgetting totally about the milk. I get up this morn to connor calling for me, and the first thing he does is hand me a half empty cup of milk. I'm thinkin "oh shit" and take it and pur it out. 20 mins later, the barfing begins.....
Such is my morning. An auspicious start to a beautiful day. :)

Stuffs

2003-02-09T05:47:28Z

It seemed like my monitor e=went on the fritz yessterday. It really pissed me off and i was planning to draw or something too. So today, as i was in Circuit city to pay my charge bill, I checked out some monitors. Come to find a keen 17 incer for oly 150. With a 50 buck rebate! So i pick it up and bring it home. I get everything plugged in and then.... same problem as before, only now, it looks a little crisper. "Shit! Its the Video card then" I wa a smidge pissed but its just an annoyance and i needed a new monitor anyhow. I was planning to upgrade the vid card this summer when the Warcraft expansion came out and Doom 3. Now i can do it nowish. I have to wait a week or so, but its nothing i cant handle... but all these streaks are pissing me off!!! I wanna do some Oekaki dammit!!!!! and some painting!!!!!! RRRRGGGHHH!!!!! Well on the bright side, heres a kick i need to get to upgrading.

HUP .. two ..three.. four...

2003-02-06T23:48:00Z

I restarted my excercise regimen today. thats right EXCERCISE. push Ups. The perfect excercise. They train your muscles and your heart . I started with 30 today. And felt nothing. I havent done any excercise in literally years so I thought I would start slow. too slow in fact. Tomorrow I'll bump it to 50 or 60 and see if that helps.
To get a teensy bit full of myself for just a sec. The greatest thing in the world is when you look at yourself in the mirror right after a good workout, and you're all pumped up. I mean nothing. Damn, I looked GOOD! XD HEE HEE Too bad you get all deflated later. But the great thing is, when you work out for long enough, the results stick. And now, I have a little more mass than the last time I excercised regularly so I'll look even better.
Are you tired of my ego yet? Good, so am I. But I'll probably start running too next week.

Still sick.. But better!!

2003-02-05T01:19:53Z

There's an old saying,
"May Fortune Favour the Bold"
Time for a gut check.

Ok so I went to work, stopped at McD's for a sausage buscuit and coffee. The day went rather uneventfully, but I had a sore throat all day long. It really sucked. So I was thinking I would cut out of work early. Thats when the checks came in the mail. Apparently, some of my investments paid out a bit earlier than I expected. I got three checks for 55 bucks. I was extremely pleased to say the least. Anytime you get aq 25% return on a $600 investment in 6 weeks you need to be happy, right? More to come too. Perhaps I will get a bit more before katsucon. :) I almost forgot all bout my sore throat!

Lunes

2003-02-04T05:09:06Z

Another Monday.
Drab and bleak the day began.
A lazy Monday.

I did next to nothing today. I went to work and basically read "Fellowship of the Rings" ALL day. I got thru about 100 pages. Im not feeling too well so i didnt wanna stress myself too much. Dont worry, I'll be more productive tomorrow. I got home and Chelle went off to work. Connor kept me company as usual, but he took a nap at like 7:45! I got him up at 8:30 and we watched some Chobits and Naruto while we waithed for "Joe Millionaire" to come on. I like this show. It' really cool to see golddigging skanks exposed for what they really are. (Not everyone is a golddigging skank, but if you are, then the shoe must fit). Chelle got home and Connor was prepped for bed. He's down now, but it will be tough to get him back on a regular sched.

Yet another Gamestop/Babbages/ SWetc ending....

2003-02-02T04:37:17Z

End of an era
Yet again walking away
Yes, this time for good.

I put my two weeks notice in at Software Etc. today. It is only a weekend job, one day a week, and my dad needs me more available on Saturdays. So, sayounara SWetc. My hours were crappy anyhow. Id go in expecting to work a 10 TO 4 shift, and instead, I'd be sent home at noon or one. It wasnt even worth going some days. Anyhow, i should get a raise that more than compensates for the decreased income. That, plus my investments should be paying off soon (already getting checks :) ) so its no big deal.

Went out with Chelle tonight. Celebrating 2 years of marriage. Spent too much on the evening. Guess its beans for the rest of the week.
--Late

There and Back Again..

2003-02-01T00:15:14Z

A dead soldiers flag
His honourd service now known
May he rest in peace.

The day bgan a little differently from others. I arose early, about 6:30 AM, to get to work. Why so early you ask? Well, we had a burial at Arlington National Cemetery at 11:00. So, I had to get to work by 8 so we could leave. Problem was, Connor is sick so he wasn't sleeping well at all. He was up and down all night (mostly up, much to Michelle's dismay). Thankfully, she didnt disturb me but once all night.
Anyhow, I got dressed and headed out with precious little in my stomach. Only a six-pack of cheese crackers to hold me. I made the foggy journey across the river to the office to meet my dad, who was leading the "expedition". While at the office, we prepared for our little trip. Dad was waiting, passing the time with a game of Solitaire. I wrote all the payroll checks and we set out. Dad drove the way up. I rode shotgun of course as Lt. Col. Norrell Jr. had the "back seat" completely occupied. On the way, I completed my reading of "The Hobbit" and talked over some business and investing with my dad. We arrived at Arlington Cemetery at about 5 minutes past 10. If you havent been to this facility, then you cant appreciate the splendour of the place. The entry street is about 20 metres wide, guarded by stone eagles atop 3 story pillars. At the end of a 200 metre (or thereabouts) entrance and security checkpoint, there's a huge marble building which serves as an entryway. The majesty of this structure reminded me of how the Roman Empire must have been. We made a left turn into the cemetery , through A huge iron gate adorned with gold eagles (!). I was awestruck by the size and manicure of the grounds as rows opon countless rows of white marble headstones appeared before me.
We waited for the family of the Col. to arrive. I took the time to read a poster about the Korean War, and ponder the thought of getting the Great Seal of the United States tatoo'd om my other arm. The family arrived, and soon we were off to the gravesite.
The morning was cold and damp, but that didn't seem to bother the tight military honour guard. With expert precision, the men removed the Col.'s casket from our hearse and placed it on a horse drawn carriage, while a honor band played a solemn tune. The carriage tool the remains to the resting place, where the guard, with all the precision I now came to expect, brought the body to the resting place. It was muddy as hell.. I got mud everywhere and my ears felt as though they would fall off, but I didnt see a single one of those men flinch or shudder.
During the last rites there was a 21 gun salute and the playing of "Taps". The Flag was folded and presented to The Col.'s daughter. That part is always very powerful to me. Soon, we were on our way back to Richmond, cold as we were. Through the service, I hadnt tijme to think of my belly but now OMG I was famished! I drove the way back and we stopped in Fredreickburg at a Cracker Barrel for something to eat. I thouroughly made a piggy out of myself. Opon returning to Richmond, I finished up some paperwork and began my trip home. Im chillin out now, Connor is napping, and I'm recovering from the day. I'll get a little deeper into LOTR: FOTR tonight as it is alredy shaping up to be a great read.

My cool ass introduction......

2003-01-31T23:41:10Z

I just finished "The Hobbit" today. It was very very good.. I tried reading it when i was a boy, but it was way over my head then and i got thru about 30 pages. Anyhow, theres this part in the book nearish to the end, where Bilbo, complete with magic ring, confronts Smaug the dragon, who senses him and asks Bilbo to Identify himself. Bilbo begins to do so by riddle. Telling the dragon about all of his tales and things he has done but not actually giving his name. The dragon is totally amused by this and so was I. So I got to thinkin, what would "I" have said to that dragon if I had been in Bilbo's predicament. So here it goes!

*Ahem*
"I hail from a city by the rushing river, and across the river I travel daily. From one ocean to other I have gone, but stayed noplace for a long time. I am the master of arts and the novice of sciences, A jokester and yet deadly serious. I am close to death, and yet walk with life. Some have said I am a wallflower, still others report my effortless mastry of the floor. I have been known as "party Pooper" AND "Party Animal". I'm father to the one that never sleeps, and husband to the tooth gnasher and gum flapper, whose ire is tough to bear. I have the name of three of my forefathers, though we are all called differently. I am dragon - puncher and fire - baller and many have fallen by my skill! :) Although I taste defeat, I cannot be deterred. Drink deep, all , from the cup of life, cause you know not when it may end!"

Ahem.... there it is! Bilbo Baggins got nuttin on me!!!!