Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Flatliner's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
9:03 am	Infrequet update.. No, I haven't updated in awhile. There has been a lot going on in my life, however. I've been back in school this semester for my funeral service licence; I'm working about 50 or so hours a week; I'm seeing Connor when I can; my sister got married; and I have a new woman in my life... who is WONDERFUL. So all in all, life has been good, if extremely busy, and I rather lost my taste for discussing my personal life online, as you may have guessed considering the last thing I posted. Anyhoo, I've got great, supportive friends, overall, and I love you all. I know I haven't been in touch with a lot of you. In most cases, it's nothing personal. If you know how to get in touch with me, do so. Phone, fax, and e-mail are working. I'llbe happy to give a more detailed update, if you care to hear it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
1:21 pm	Ok.. I see how this works now.... Those of you that know me and know me well may wonder why I have never addressed this issue in detail in this forum. The true facts are, 1) nothing ever bothered me enough to really want to spill it all out, 2) I'm trying to move my life forward into a good place now, 3) I try not to let things that other people say and do really bother me too much.. that one doesnt always work, but I'm getting better. However, recently there was sometihng written in the journal of my soon-to-be-ex wife that I felt I HAD to comment on, and rebut what she was saying. I posted the reply and apparently, she didnt feel that my statements should be heard/read by anyone who visited her journal page. Hence, she didnt post my reply, allowing her version only to stand. Following here is a paraphrasing of my statement, for those of you who care to know my side. This is NOT verbatim as I didn't save my reply. I didn't think I had to. <I do get a chance to see your journal peiodically when I can, and usually I dont feel the need to say anything, but tonight I had to respond and rebut what you're saying. Yes I did agree to joint therapy as long as it was beneficial and neccessary. In the PROFESSIONAL opinion ot the therapist that YOU selected, at an appointment YOU scheduled, based on my two interactions with him, he said that he didn't think he needed to see me anymore. When I told you this you became upset and wanted to know what I said to make him say that. I told you that you'd have to take that up with him. After a few minutes of this, with our son right there AGAIN for another arguement, you proceeded to tell me yet again how I'm shirking my responsibilities to him and the house. Now the last time I looked, every single week I take home $380, and every week I've been paying child support for him, spousal support for you, AND taking care of extraneous bills in the house that I DON'T EVEN LIVE IN ANYMORE (because I said I would), totalling NO LESS than $300 and usually more, besides the fact that you drive the car that I paid for each month for five years. So the idea that I'm doing everything I can to run from my responsibilties is an unfair assesment. Now back to the arguement last night. You called me names in front of him, AGAIN, you refused to calm down after I said for you to not talk to me that way in front of him, and when you refused to relax, I told you I would leave. You then proceeded to get in front of the door, as you have done many times when our "discussions" get to that point and refused to move to let me go after I repeately asked and then demanded to be (which, by the way is illegal). I told our son I loved him, kissed him and left via the front door. When I got to my car and drove around front, I saw you at the mailbox and Connor on the stoop, (why you continue to want him to see all this is beyond me) and frankly, I wasn't entirely sure that you wouldn't jump in front of my moving car, so I went down the side street to avoid any further confrontation. You've talked to me before about my life and how I get to go out and you don't but the facts are that I offer to take Connor over night on weekends or every other weekend and you say NO. I don't go out during the middle of the week (like some people) because I have WORK. The fruits of which you seem to be enjoying right now to the tune of 300 bucks a week. The fact is, don't blame me for you not being able to go out, because you're making that decision yourself. Don't shoot yourself in the foot and blame the gun. Drop this victim role right now, because no one is buying it. If you ask all your friends that have your back what they REALLY THINK, especially the ones that know me too, you may be shocked. I to this very MINUTE have been faithful to my marriage vows, and you can't say the same having had sex with 2 and a half other guys during our marriage, one of which in our very own bed. So drop all this about how I did anything to you. Our marriage is over now, and we have work to do to make our son's life the best it can be. If you can't do that willingly, then the autorities will be involved, it's really that simple. I really have nothing further to say to you in any regard, which is part of why we haven't said more than hello and goodbye to one another. I'll leave you to your fuming now, which is what you do so very well. That last paragraph was not sent last night. It's more or less final thoughts that I had after pondering so much. I PROBABLY won't discuss this again in this forum. I need to go back to stabilizing and incresing my "Wa" (inner/outer harmony). For all of you that have listened to me vent over the past months and years, your support, care, kindness, and love will always be appreciated and cherished. You are all very special to me and I just want you to know that. Now, I have work.... Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: A littel of everything, actually (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 26th, 2003
11:29 pm	Spring... I absolutely adore the springtime. It's like for me, all the other seasons are just a nine month precursor to the glory that is Spring. We don't get very many real spring seasons in Virginia, normally 3 weeks of temperate weather sandwiched between bitter, freezing cold and unbearable heat and humidity. This year though, even with all the rain we've been having here, the spring has been awesome. Truly magnificent and perfection. As if nature can be anything but perfect. But the air and the clouds and the wind and even the rain has all felt like blessings from God. The smell of fresh honeysuckle blossoms, the buzzing of insects and the birds that I wake up to every morning, because my windows are open. It really makes me appreciate life and how short it is, and how important it is to live.. to truly live, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. I know I'm not the first person to say that, but truth is truth, and wisdom can't be ignored. Too often I think, we look to the future, or dwell in the past, mulling over mistakes, or hoping for fates to smile on us tomorrow. Always forgetting that the past and the future are abstractions, mere concepts shrouded in the ether and only the moment, the NOW exists. I'm guilty of that kind of thinking too, today even to be honest. But, I always try to remind myself (or look to someone else with more wisdom to remind me) that the now is what counts more than anything. What we do in each passing moment will shape us and mold us. We are free to do with each moment what we will. I spent a few of those moments today looking at the perfection of the clouds, and other moments thinking about those that I love and knowing that at that very moment, love exists and is true and strong. I thought about duty, to self and others. I did my level best to fulfill myself, every moment, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally (I neglected the physical today.. hopefully I'll get back to my push ups tomorrow). There is peace to be found. There is contentment. There is love. There is the now and the Is. There is beginning and end and there's the eternal as well. There is harmony. Moments washing by Easing forward with no care, Hold the joy of now. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 19th, 2003
10:58 am	"Death comes to us all...." Bought Connor a Betta Fish last night... the THIRD time we've tried with goldfish. The thing dies literally an hour and a half after we set up the tank. Connor comes runnning into the kitchen where Chelle and I are talking and says immiediately "fishy Sick!...." We're like.. Oh no! not again!! And yeah, our fears were realized when i found Betta #3 doing the dead mans float. I take no responsibilty and niether should chelle. I think somethngs wrong with the watyer as no fish has lasted longer than a few hours in our house. Bad karma maybe? I dunno. Anyhoo.. this morning, Connor gets up and asks where the fishy is. So now I'm explaining death to a 2 year old. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Knocking on Heavens Door seems appropriate (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
11:11 pm	Update.... I really dont have much to say, except I havent talked toa lot of you recently. Its all good tho. Sometimes life can be that way. Im still alive. I think. I'll check with you all later. Late (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 20th, 2003
1:19 am	yet another quiz... This one is "what color is your Aura" *spooky music playing....* What Color Is Your Aura? We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Turquoise vibe. Turquoise types are often intelligent, energetic leaders. Vibrant and dynamic, you take center stage wherever you go; people are naturally drawn in by your charismatic nature. You love to learn, and you excel at remembering facts and figures. More than likely, you're a go-getter with your eyes on the prize. Respect and influence tend to come to you easily, but that doesn't mean you sit around waiting for them. What fun is achieving something if getting there isn't a challenge? Always pushing your limits, you'd be a natural on Survivor — a healthy competitive instinct and a willingness to take risks means you usually reach your goals. You like to look, feel, and act your best; if all those ducks are in a row, nothing's gonna get in your way. i guess Im ok with that.. Turqioise Current Mood: tired Current Music: Various... i got my WinMP playing everything (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 16th, 2003
2:46 pm	Apparently my type is..... I like the sweet little thangs!!! read on! Your type is the Girl Next Door Cute, fun, and sweet, your ideal gal is just a stone's throw away — she's the Girl Next Door. She's Sandra Bullock, Doris Day, and Meg Ryan all rolled up into one. Naturally pretty rather than glamorous, she's unpretentious and generous. She loves animals and children, and is great with both. You're attracted to her strong values and traditional ways. Although she demands a lot of respect, she's not particularly high-maintenance. Her ideal date is more likely to be dinner and a movie than heading out for a night on the town. She's careful yet spontaneous — a little bit of the Guy's Girl, a smidge of Sorority Sister (the nice kind), and just a hint of the Hippie Chick. But she's got an appeal that's all her own, which is why you can't stay away. Her winning smile, bright eyes, and loving nature make you want to hold on tight and never let go. *Sigh*.. I'm cool with that.. One of the few tests Ive taken thats been bang on. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Sixteen Tons -- T.E. Ford (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 13th, 2003
12:39 am	my subconscious is driven by... another Emode quiz... Will, your unconscious mind is driven most by Peace You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world. You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment. Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core. i dunno.. the way things have been going recently, i woulda thought the dark lord was directing me personally :) .. Maybe I'm not all bad Emode.com for your quizzy pleasure (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 9th, 2003
6:37 pm	CHANDLER!.. I KNEW it..... Somehow, I knew it would end like this. Which "Friend" Are You? Will, you've got a little bit of Chandler going on! Could you be any more like Chandler? The most lovable wiseguy around, you've got more than a little Bing inside you, don't 'cha? Front and center in your Chandler-ness is that unstoppable wit, keeping everyone in stitches (or at least deflecting uncomfortable situations). Read more about your inner "Friend"... heh.. me..... Im Chandler....... *shakes head* emode.com for your quizzy pleasure (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:21 pm	PISSED!!! ARRRRRRRR I AM MISSING NO LESS THAN 3 ART BOOKS!!!!! I CANT FIND THEM!!!!! IVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! My 3 favorites too.. which means I've misplaced them myself cause i "Think" I was the last one lookin at em. Maybe at work... woe is me. I get obsessive when it comes to looking for lost objects. Its like a Darth Vader flashback; "Tear this ship apahht until you find those plahns!.. And bring me the passengahs I want them alive!!!!!" Ever notice how Vader sounds like hes from Boston in just that ONE part? (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 6th, 2003
8:16 pm	Sigh.. Had to put a cat to sleep today. One of the four that we have here in the house. Sassy. The one who was pooping on everything. Well, as it turns out, she probably had lymphoma and would have died a very painful death with very little we could do about it. Still dont make it feel any better. We'd had her the longest. I really wasnt sure about the decision for awhile, it kind of felt like playing God, but I guess its for the best. I suppose when you play God for a benevolent end it makes it ok. Then again. ... Ah well.. not a lot going well in life right now. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Fields of Gold -- Sting (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 3rd, 2003
9:17 pm	PISCES!!!??? what the HELL is a PISCES!!!????? Apparrently I'm supposed to be a Pisces... HUH?? a PISCES!!!! what in blue hell is a PISCES!!!? (no offense really to any pisces out there) Anyhow, heres the result as reported by Emode.com.... What Zodiac Sign Should You Be? The planets have spoken! We now pronounce you a PISCES. Time to read your new horoscope, change that tattoo, and rethink your place in the zodiac. Want to know more about your real sign? Sign up with Emode and we'll fill you in. Now, I'm a Scorpio Thru and thru for real... Pisces... fegh... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
3:45 pm	Maybe I ain't as dumb as I look... Took an IQ test. My first one ever.. heres what it said Congratulations, Will! Your IQ score is 135 This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Ultimate IQ Test. During the test, you answered four different types of questions — mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. To determine your ability in these areas, we compared your answers to those given by the 6.5 million people who have taken Emode's Ultimate IQ Test. The even better news is that Emode has taken intelligence assessment a step further than the rest, offering you insight no other IQ test can give. We have developed a reliable statistical algorithm that analyzes patterns in your responses to determine the unique way that your brain functions, revealing your Intellectual Type. Our analyses indicate that your Intellectual Type is: Visual Mathematician. This means that among other things, you have superior skills in mathematics and spatial reasoning hehehe.. I guess thats pretty good. I'm almost twice as smart as Forrest Gump. Who was pretty fuckin' smart if you ask me. www.emode.com if you need it. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 25th, 2003
12:28 am	YOU GODDAM BASTARDS!!!!!! MF'n A Hole sons of BITCHES that make these F'n SPYWARE!!! I got home tonight and i had no less than 55 TOTAl pop up ads on my comp. I got a cable hookup and IE wasnt even OPEN.. KAzaa wasnt open or running.. same with WinMX and AIM.. if no connection is to the I NEt, then WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE 55 MUTHA F'N POP UPS?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bastards.. and you know which is the worst one? Theres an ad for a POP UP REMOVAL/BLOCKING SOFTWARE!!!! Now I dont know about you, but isnt that like paying protection money to the mob? Maybe it's just me. I think the programmers of these things need to be dragged into the street and shot! I downloaded this program, AdAware.. that someone recommended. Did nothing. nothing.. Im so Bloody mad i dont know what to do. Just one more thing to piss me off right now. I definitely dont need this. Current Mood: infuriated Current Music: "Edge of Soul" -- Soul Blade soundtrak (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 20th, 2003
2:32 am	Anime via Kazaa... Dude... Im loving Kazaa so much... Im downloading so much cool stuff now. Per advice of MxM, I dlded "Macross Zero" OMG! It is soo fuckin sweet!!!!!! *scuse the lang.. but it is* The animation is so fluid with a lot of seamless CGI... its much better than what was done for "Macross Plus" .. Granted that was like 7 years ago.. man Im old. I also got the 5th 6th and 7th eps of Naruto. Im startin to love this show for real. ANd the ending theme rocks to high heaven. Sometimes being a pirate is so much fun, i cant imagine anyone wanting to be any differnt. "Avast me mateys!! Runup the mainsail and batten down the hatches! Load cannon and prepare for a volley!! ARRRRRR"" Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: "Akeboshi- Wind" -- Naruto Ending theme (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
11:08 pm	Hup! two.. three ... four... revisited hehehe.. Up to 80 reps. And still not feeling it. I'll do 40 more before bedtime. The new bod seems to be shaping up nicely after only 12 days of work. But I'm seeing other areas that need attention too. Maybe the best thing is to join a gym.. if I could afford one right now. Anyhow, I'm feeling pretty good, which is sort of the point in the first place. Current Mood: good Current Music: "You Are Shock!!" -- Fist of the North Star Sndtrk (Comment on this)
Monday, February 17th, 2003
11:37 pm	Too much GD snow. I've officially had enough of this winter. Im so soooo ready for April. At least I got to telecommute today instead of going in. That was keen. I got to loaf around in PJs except for going over to the mall to get my car which was iced under a quarter inch of hard stuff... no fun. So I got back home and took care of Connor all day with Chelle and answered the phone all day too.. Work calling and all. April please come fast... I cant take any more of this. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
8:59 am	Connor sick... my fault BARRRF! Connor spewed chunks all over our bed today. Twice. It was my fault. You see, last night, Connor just fell asleep at like 9:50. Which is 45 minutes or so earlier than usual. So we forgoed his whole bedtime routine and just put him down. An hour or so later, he woke up crying and I, as usual, went up to get him. We brought him downstairs and I gave him some warm milk, which he was too tired to drink. More on this in a sec. So I read him a story which he just basically sleeps thru and hes holding the milk. Im about to put him down and i tried to take his milk. in his sleep, he put a death grip on it so i figured i'd just leave it and come back later. So i do some other stuff and go to bed early, forgetting totally about the milk. I get up this morn to connor calling for me, and the first thing he does is hand me a half empty cup of milk. I'm thinkin "oh shit" and take it and pur it out. 20 mins later, the barfing begins..... Such is my morning. An auspicious start to a beautiful day. :) Current Mood: guilty (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 9th, 2003
12:29 am	Stuffs It seemed like my monitor e=went on the fritz yessterday. It really pissed me off and i was planning to draw or something too. So today, as i was in Circuit city to pay my charge bill, I checked out some monitors. Come to find a keen 17 incer for oly 150. With a 50 buck rebate! So i pick it up and bring it home. I get everything plugged in and then.... same problem as before, only now, it looks a little crisper. "Shit! Its the Video card then" I wa a smidge pissed but its just an annoyance and i needed a new monitor anyhow. I was planning to upgrade the vid card this summer when the Warcraft expansion came out and Doom 3. Now i can do it nowish. I have to wait a week or so, but its nothing i cant handle... but all these streaks are pissing me off!!! I wanna do some Oekaki dammit!!!!! and some painting!!!!!! RRRRGGGHHH!!!!! Well on the bright side, heres a kick i need to get to upgrading. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Mesase Tenkaichi--- Dragonball Soundtrack (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 6th, 2003
6:26 pm	HUP .. two ..three.. four... I restarted my excercise regimen today. thats right EXCERCISE. push Ups. The perfect excercise. They train your muscles and your heart . I started with 30 today. And felt nothing. I havent done any excercise in literally years so I thought I would start slow. too slow in fact. Tomorrow I'll bump it to 50 or 60 and see if that helps. To get a teensy bit full of myself for just a sec. The greatest thing in the world is when you look at yourself in the mirror right after a good workout, and you're all pumped up. I mean nothing. Damn, I looked GOOD! XD HEE HEE Too bad you get all deflated later. But the great thing is, when you work out for long enough, the results stick. And now, I have a little more mass than the last time I excercised regularly so I'll look even better. Are you tired of my ego yet? Good, so am I. But I'll probably start running too next week. Current Mood: Big- Headed Current Music: Burning Heart-- Rocky IV (2 Comments |Comment on this)